This post comes from the idyllic surroundings of the Calvary Hospital.  The surgery was performed on Monday morning and all went according to plan.  I was back on the ward by Monday afternoon sans 80% of my stomach.

I don’t remember much from Monday night as I was out to it from all the drugs.  I do remember the gentle and incessant observation checks by the night staff while I was doing my best to remain unconscious.

Tuesday revealed that I had a roommate, Jo, who’d also had the gastric sleeve done.  Turns out we’re two peas in a pod.  I’ve nicknamed us the Muppet Men of Ward 6 West.  We think we’re the bain of the nursing staff here.

I’ve been handling the whole thing fairly well.  I’ve got limited pain and I’ve managed to set up a routine of doing fifteen minute laps of the ward during the day and the evening.

The most pain I’m experiencing is with the gas build up from the operation.  So there was much rejoicing when I was finally able to pass wind this afternoon.  Jo and I cackled like crazy children.  It was just what I needed.

I moved on to partial clear fluids today.  I’m still on an IV but I’m allowed to have the soup, juice, jelly and cordial that’s passed around at meal times.  I’d love some ice-cream though.  Something sweet and cold.

All in all it’s going as expected.  It’s been brilliant to share a room with someone who’s going through the same thing.  It’s been a real blessing.

I’ve been so tired during the days, and then our nights are a little up and down that the days just seem to be flying.  At this stage it looks like I’ll be discharged on Friday.  I’m a little concerned about what I’ll eat when I get home, but I’m sure we’ll sort it out.

I’ll write more about everything once I’m home.  At the moment I’m set up on a little desk thing that really wasn’t meant to be a laptop desk and my IV is dragging across the laptop.  Not the best way to be writing.  But I’m alive and very grateful to be well.  Thank you for all the well wishes and support!

Last post before I have the surgery.  I’m supposed to be at the hospital at 7am tomorrow morning and theater is booked for 8:30am.  Apparently the surgery takes 3 – 4 hours, so I should be out by lunchtime.

I’m nervous, but I’m confident in the skills of the team around me.  I’ve had a day of Optifast as per the instructions.

All that’s left is to tell those I love that they mean the world to me and get in some last minute cuddles.  I’ve packed my teddy bear.

I’m trying to focus on the positives that will follow from this procedure.  It’s not how I thought I would end up, but it’s something I have to take ownership of and be honest with myself.  I need help to lose the weight and this is the next evolution.  I need to make the lifestyle changes that are needed.  The surgery is not going to do it for me by itself.  I need to make long term changes.  It’s going to be a long road.

I need to get in some last cuddles with my boy and the puppies.  I’m so very thankful for everything I have.  I’m so very blessed.  Thank you, LORD.  Please watch over me as I go through this next surgery and healing.  Amen.

Two sleeps to go until I have life altering surgery.  At least that’s how it’s starting to play in my head.  This is major.  No going back, no holds barred, no beg your pardons.  I am paying someone to remove 80% of a working organ.  On what planet does this sound like a credible course of action?  It’s just mental.

But I’m going to do it.  I’m going to make this change and hope that it works like they say it will.  I haven’t been able to find anywhere that details people putting weight on after the procedure, but it still hasn’t stopped me from thinking about that as an  outcome.  How many people don’t lose the weight they need to after the surgery?

I have all these questions floating through my head and no real way of getting everything out.  I spent today finalizing all of my Christmas stuff.  I just have to have everything done in case the worst happens and I don’t get another chance to tell everyone I love them and I’m thankful for their presence in my life.

I hate thinking about no more cuddles with HUBBY.  I adore him so much and I don’t want an existence without him.  That last hug before surgery always gets me.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to convey how much I love him.  How my heart swells just by thinking about him.  He’s amazing and I’m so very lucky.

I’ve been reading stories over on the support boards and trying to visualise what the experience is going to be like.  I can’t help feeling at times like this could be another fad and I’ll have done something really wrong to myself.  I try and move past these thoughts, but the unknown has always freaked me out.  Guess that’s the downside to being a control freak.

I have to pack my hospital bag tomorrow and I think that’s going to be a major milestone as well.  I’m not really sure what to take, but I’m sure there’s some information in my admission pack.  I don’t know whether I’ll want to wear pajama pants or not.  The only definite thing I have on my to-pack list is Schlep (my teddy bear).  I wish I could pack the dogs as well – puppy cuddles are always welcome.

Every so often the thought of having four hours of my life gone and knowing that people have been “doing things” to me blows my mind.  It’s such a trusting position to be in.  I’m glad that I don’t know anyone in the nursing or surgical profession, I don’t think I could handle hearing horror stories at the moment.

Tomorrow I’m going to take the next set of photo’s and do my measurements again and see what difference the Optifast has made.  Should be interesting.  I’m not expecting a lot, I’m just hoping that my liver has shrunk.

But enough with the melodramatics.  I’m going to hang up my laptop and go spend some quality time with the man I love and adore.

I knew nothing about this book when I picked it up.  I didn’t even bother to read the blurb on the back of the book I just dived in with trepidation and a hopeful spirit.  What I got was nothing like what I was expecting.  I was submerged into a tale that truly resonated with me; so much so that at times it felt like kismet that I should be reading this book at this point in my life.

The story centers on Mary Gooch.  Mary is a wife, a pharmacy clerk, a daughter, a sister-in-law, a daughter-in-law all in the body of a 302 pound woman.  Mary lives in Leaford, Canada; a small town where there are no secrets and everybody is watching everyone else.  Mary has grown up in Leaford, fallen in love in Leaford and eaten her way through millions of calories in Leaford.

Lori Lansens tells this tale with a poetic and masterful voice.  Her language is rhythmic and captivating.  The story is brought to life through the strong voice that Lansens empowers Mary with.  While Mary is unable to give voice to her thoughts in her daily life, her internal dialogue is potent and compels this story.

Mary is thrust into leaving her predictable and repetitive life when her Husband, Jimmy Gooch, fails to come how from work on the eve of their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.  This one act of her Husband triggers a reassessment of all the moments in Mary’s life that have lead to this point in time.

Mary remembered, when she was nine years old, stepping off the scale in Dr. Ruttle’s office and hearing him whisper the word to her slight mother, Irma.  It was an unfamiliar word, but one she understood in context of the fairy-tale world.  Obeast.  There were witches and warlocks.  So must there be ogres and obeasts.  Little Big Mary wasn’t confused by the diagnosis.  It made sense to her child’s mind that her body had become an outward manifestation of the starving animal in her gut.

– The Wife’s Tale; page 2.

It’s the battle between Mary and her Obeast that really speaks in this novel.  It casts a light on an epidemic that is killing the Western World in a way that is fresh and raw.  Addiction to food is as real as any other addiction; gambling, drinking, drugs – it’s all the same mental battle.  The voice in the head that compels a person to make the decisions they do.  Mary’s voice has 43 years of experience at pushing her buttons.  It is the love of her Husband, or more importantly the fear of abandonment that she sometimes confuses as love, that gives Mary the impetus she needs to ignore that voice for the first time in her life.

This novel is a coming of age tale; despite the fact that Mary is 43 years old and should know what she wants from life by now.  Mary has hidden in her world.  Shut herself off from the judging gaze of those in her community.  Her weight has coloured everything; every experience, emotion or event.  In her hiding she has given all her power to her Obeast.  Every time she ventures into public her low self opinion is reinforced by the actions of others and in turn the Obeast grows stronger.

When her Husband leaves to ‘find himself’ Mary embarks on a single-minded journey to find him.  Instead what she finds is the power to overcome her fear of living and ventures outside of Leaford for the first time in her life.  Her hunt for her Husband takes Mary to Los Angeles and the home of her Mother-In-Law.

It seems no coincidence that Lansens has brought small town overweight Mary to Los Angeles, where body image reins supreme.  However the experiences that Mary has while in Los Angeles are in no way predictable nor does the end of the book resolve all of them.  It would have been so easy for the Lansens to paint a standard generic view of the beautiful people in Los Angeles, but she skilfully avoids this pothole.

At times the inability of Mary to take control of her life is frustrating and agonizing.  Her lack of confidence in her basic decision making is paralysing and has resulted in her relying on her Husband to do a lot of things she now needs to do to survive.  With her Husband gone, and no return in sight, she must learn to stand on her own two feet.  This struggle for independence is not only a mental one, but it is mimicked in her physicality as well as she is at times unable to support her own weight.

The relationships that Mary develops while in Los Angeles are unpredictable, moving and heart warming.  Lansens shows a side of humanity that is often overlooked in this age of instant gratification and individuality.  It’s through these relationships that she starts to learn how to believe in herself and her abilities.

This book finished leaving me wanting more.  The book, while it ends does not end with everything resolved; which is rare in this age of a thirty-minute wrap up of all of life’s problems.  Lansens has created a great novel that should resonate with a multitude of those suffering under the weight of an eating disorder.  I am one of these people and for the first time I feel like some of the things that I have experienced in my life have been given a voice in print that is not judgmental nor compassionate; it just tells it like it is and it doesn’t offer the magic solution to the problem.  It’s just one woman’s story beautifully and expertly told.

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I realise this seems a little out of place, but a week or so ago I was given a gig with Dymocks Wynyard to review books for them.  Best.gig.ever!  Anyway, I was asked to review The Wife’s Tale by Lori Lansens.  I didn’t even bother looking her or the book up – I just took a chance and said “Sure thing!”.  So they sent the book to me.  I was stunned to find that this story was so close to some of the issues I’m facing now.  How to beat addiction to food.  The book doesn’t provide the key to beating the addiction – so don’t turn to it looking for answers.  Instead look to it for comradery in the tale.  For someone giving a voice to some of the feelings I’m sure we’ve all battled.  I really enjoyed this book.

The style of story telling actually reminded me a little of “The Memory Keeper’s Daughter” which ironically I didn’t particularly enjoy.  I found myself at times re-reading parts just for the lyrical nature of the prose.  It’s a great book.  I recommend it to anyone looking for some great fiction with a twist of the real.

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Had my gyno surgery today and all went well.  I bounced back really well from the anesthetic and I was even paid a visit by the anesthesiologist that will be doing the operation on Monday.  They did find somethings they weren’t expecting so now I have to wait on pathology to see whether they’re nasty or not.

I’ve had a pretty emotional day today.  Lots of highs and lows.  I also haven’t had any Optifast and ate egg sandwiches both at the hospital and at home.  (I couldn’t be discharged if I didn’t eat something and they were so good I wanted another on the way home!)  I’m back on the Optfast strictly for the next four days. I’m hoping I haven’t ruined my chances of getting the surgery done because of my liver, but I’m sort of confident that it’ll be ok in the end.

I’m tired.  I have my pre-surgery appointment tomorrow with the hospital nurse.  Should be interesting.  It’ll be a complete work up and medical history to make sure I’m ok for the procedure on Monday.  It’s all suddenly getting very real.