1. Lulu on her Dad’s Shoulders., 2. A Dad’s Cuddle, 3. A dad’s heart, 4. Show me the Way, Dad

On Thursday last week my Father had a heart attack.  As I prepare this entry he’s currently in hospital waiting to have some tests that will determine how much damage has been done to his heart.  The doctor’s are saying at the moment that due to the nature of my Father’s lifestyle, heavy smoker, likes his liquor and loves a good bit of food, that he’ll likely need open heart surgery.

My heart is breaking.  I’m heading home to be with him and my Mother at this time and it’s killing me.  I was only there a few weeks ago, and now I’m having to go back under the worst circumstances.

I am very much a Daddy’s Girl.  To me he’s the perfect Dad.  I’m praying desperately that he’ll be ok and this will just result in a much needed change to his lifestyle.

I’m also cursing my infertility.  Never have I hated it so much as I do right now.  It’s robbed me of time with my parents that I will never be able to have.  I want my children to grow up knowing how amazing and wonderful their Grandparents are.  We’ve already lost HUBBY’s mother, I couldn’t cope if we lost another parent.  It’s not even been twelve months since my Mother was diagnosed with cancer and had to have major surgery.

It seems like it has just been one big ticket issue after another.

This week HUBBY and I were supposed to embark on the final stage of our IVF journey, but now it appears that I’ll be in another hospital, in another city, praying that the man that helped create me survives to get to see his grandkids.  It just doesn’t seem fair.

At times like this when I want to wallow in the pain and the “why me” I am always reminded that there are other people out there doing it harder, tougher and alone.  I should be counting my blessings at times like these.  It’s just hard to remember that when it’s the person who holds a piece of your heart in theirs that’s the focus of the issue.

Hopefully for Flickr Faves next week it’ll be a selection of sunshine and puppies…

♥♥♥♥♥

If you’d like to see more (less dramatic) flickr faves head on over to ArtMind!