Two sleeps to go until I have life altering surgery.  At least that’s how it’s starting to play in my head.  This is major.  No going back, no holds barred, no beg your pardons.  I am paying someone to remove 80% of a working organ.  On what planet does this sound like a credible course of action?  It’s just mental.

But I’m going to do it.  I’m going to make this change and hope that it works like they say it will.  I haven’t been able to find anywhere that details people putting weight on after the procedure, but it still hasn’t stopped me from thinking about that as an  outcome.  How many people don’t lose the weight they need to after the surgery?

I have all these questions floating through my head and no real way of getting everything out.  I spent today finalizing all of my Christmas stuff.  I just have to have everything done in case the worst happens and I don’t get another chance to tell everyone I love them and I’m thankful for their presence in my life.

I hate thinking about no more cuddles with HUBBY.  I adore him so much and I don’t want an existence without him.  That last hug before surgery always gets me.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to convey how much I love him.  How my heart swells just by thinking about him.  He’s amazing and I’m so very lucky.

I’ve been reading stories over on the support boards and trying to visualise what the experience is going to be like.  I can’t help feeling at times like this could be another fad and I’ll have done something really wrong to myself.  I try and move past these thoughts, but the unknown has always freaked me out.  Guess that’s the downside to being a control freak.

I have to pack my hospital bag tomorrow and I think that’s going to be a major milestone as well.  I’m not really sure what to take, but I’m sure there’s some information in my admission pack.  I don’t know whether I’ll want to wear pajama pants or not.  The only definite thing I have on my to-pack list is Schlep (my teddy bear).  I wish I could pack the dogs as well – puppy cuddles are always welcome.

Every so often the thought of having four hours of my life gone and knowing that people have been “doing things” to me blows my mind.  It’s such a trusting position to be in.  I’m glad that I don’t know anyone in the nursing or surgical profession, I don’t think I could handle hearing horror stories at the moment.

Tomorrow I’m going to take the next set of photo’s and do my measurements again and see what difference the Optifast has made.  Should be interesting.  I’m not expecting a lot, I’m just hoping that my liver has shrunk.

But enough with the melodramatics.  I’m going to hang up my laptop and go spend some quality time with the man I love and adore.