I’m starting to feel like a broken record at the moment and the only tune I’m playing is “sorry, we’re all sick”. When the Little Man came home with his first bug in April I took it in stride and figured it was just par for the course when it comes to starting day care. Now, nearly 5 months on and I’m at my wits end. It’s just been one bug after another and I’m very thankful that he’s only been worryingly sick once during that whole time, but the constant not being 100% has seen him staying home more days than attending when it comes to day care (and yep, we still pay $100+ a day for the days he doesn’t attend) and it’s seen me have to take more and more time off work and fall further behind on all my commitments.
I’ve been juggling everything and at times it’s been great because I’ve figured out ways to streamline things and managed to work while he’s slept, but for the majority of the time it’s just been crap. Just before I went to ProBlogger, after a particularly bad case of whatever the virus was, I lost it. I sat in bed at 10 o’clock at night with our son sleeping and snoring through his blocked nose and I cried and ranted and raved at Hubby about how crap everything was and how I was letting so many people down.
Normally when the little man and I are home together and he’s feeling 100% he’ll happily play while I tend to housework or emails. We can be in the same room together but work independently. We can go out on adventures and he’ll happily run around and play. But for the past 2 months he’s been clingy and won’t let me do anything without him involved. (To the point where I can’t even go to the bathroom without having to balance him on my lap or he’ll cry himself hoarse until I return.) It’s natural and normal and I completely understand. There’s certainly moments in my life where I’d quite happily call for my Mum and then never let her go – I get it.
But when you’re trying to run your own business, work for someone else, maintain your relationships and just generally get on with the living of life having a 16kg toddler strapped to you night and day becomes a little bit…. difficult. All I wanted to do was spend time with him. Nurse him to better heath, but the whole time I was with him I was thinking of all the ways I was letting everyone else down. I’ve spent the last month being late on my commitments, not following up when friends message or email, dropping my editorial calendar in favour of just surviving. It’s really pushed me to my limits. Then when I’ve been sick on top of it all it’s just been too much and I’ve snapped. I’ve cried, I’ve rallied against life in general and I’ve just wanted to quit. It’s just been shit. (Pardon my French.)
I’m not sure I can do another winter like this. As I sit here and look out the window at a beautifully blue sky I can’t help but dream about moving to a warmer climate and leaving this all behind. I know that this is temporary and that this time next year his immune system will be better and we’ll have processes and systems in place to deal with this sort of non-stop delays and juggling, but right now I’m dreaming of uprooting our lives and moving back closer to family and just living a simple life. Maybe it’s just late onset winter blues or maybe it’s just my desire to run away from it all coming to the surface, but if someone offered me a way to move back home right now I’d take it.
Any one else feel like running away today?
FUN THINGS TO CLICK ON
- I may need to take the advice contained in this post… click here to find out 5 easy ways to edit problems out of your life.
- If you love a good medallion quilt then click here for a fabulous tutorial and pattern from Janice at Better Off Thread. (She’s a genius!)
- Do you spend a lot of time at the keyboard? Then click here to get this fabulous cat inspired wrist rest (say that three times fast).
- Looking for a fun project to make with the kids, then click here for a great felt ball coaster DIY.
- A timely reminder to look after your health. Click here to read about the great program (and one man’s experience) that the Australian Government is doing to help combat bowel cancer. (Don’t read it over lunch!)
- I’m adding this to my must-try list of yummy recipes, click here to get a recipe for Honey Mustard Chicken Pie.
COMMUNITY CORK BOARD
- Rachel (of Stitched in Color) and her beautiful daughter, Eleni, have a long road ahead filled with many trials. Eleni was born with cerebral palsy and needs early intervention treatments to try and give her a quality of life most of us take for granted. If you can spare a small amount to donate to this life changing cause please click here, every dollar you can contribute will change one families life.
Want something included on the Community Cork Board, then why not drop me an email and if it’s applicable to the GnomeAngel community I’ll share it. It can be anything from a local fate, a charity raffle, a class you’re teaching, a pattern you’ve released, a sew-a-long you’re involved in to a community event that’s happening. Be sure to send me as much detail as you can and links to any applicable websites. Click here to email me.