Please, tell me I’m not the only one that feels like this!

I’m starting to feel like a broken record at the moment and the only tune I’m playing is “sorry, we’re all sick”. When the Little Man came home with his first bug in April I took it in stride and figured it was just par for the course when it comes to starting day care. Now, nearly 5 months on and I’m at my wits end. It’s just been one bug after another and I’m very thankful that he’s only been worryingly sick once during that whole time, but the constant not being 100% has seen him staying home more days than attending when it comes to day care (and yep, we still pay $100+ a day for the days he doesn’t attend) and it’s seen me have to take more and more time off work and fall further behind on all my commitments.

I’ve been juggling everything and at times it’s been great because I’ve figured out ways to streamline things and managed to work while he’s slept, but for the majority of the time it’s just been crap. Just before I went to ProBlogger, after a particularly bad case of whatever the virus was, I lost it. I sat in bed at 10 o’clock at night with our son sleeping and snoring through his blocked nose and I cried and ranted and raved at Hubby about how crap everything was and how I was letting so many people down.

Normally when the little man and I are home together and he’s feeling 100% he’ll happily play while I tend to housework or emails. We can be in the same room together but work independently. We can go out on adventures and he’ll happily run around and play. But for the past 2 months he’s been clingy and won’t let me do anything without him involved. (To the point where I can’t even go to the bathroom without having to balance him on my lap or he’ll cry himself hoarse until I return.) It’s natural and normal and I completely understand. There’s certainly moments in my life where I’d quite happily call for my Mum and then never let her go – I get it.

But when you’re trying to run your own business, work for someone else, maintain your relationships and just generally get on with the living of life having a 16kg toddler strapped to you night and day becomes a little bit…. difficult. All I wanted to do was spend time with him. Nurse him to better heath, but the whole time I was with him I was thinking of all the ways I was letting everyone else down. I’ve spent the last month being late on my commitments, not following up when friends message or email, dropping my editorial calendar in favour of just surviving. It’s really pushed me to my limits. Then when I’ve been sick on top of it all it’s just been too much and I’ve snapped. I’ve cried, I’ve rallied against life in general and I’ve just wanted to quit. It’s just been shit. (Pardon my French.)

I’m not sure I can do another winter like this. As I sit here and look out the window at a beautifully blue sky I can’t help but dream about moving to a warmer climate and leaving this all behind. I know that this is temporary and that this time next year his immune system will be better and we’ll have processes and systems in place to deal with this sort of non-stop delays and juggling, but right now I’m dreaming of uprooting our lives and moving back closer to family and just living a simple life. Maybe it’s just late onset winter blues or maybe it’s just my desire to run away from it all coming to the surface, but if someone offered me a way to move back home right now I’d take it.

Any one else feel like running away today?

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11 Comments

  1. Anita September 3, 2015 at 1:29 pm

    So sorry you’ve had such a rough time. On the bright side you’ll be spared all the sickness when he starts school. (I hope!) It is so hard when kids are sick. I have been so stressed about not having an income and needing to find ways to cut back which means cutting out a lot of things I enjoy (like buying fabric!) but I am thankful to have a roof over my head and that my husband has a job. Living near family can be good but too much of a good thing can be… too much 😉 and absence makes the heart grow fonder. I hope you are all well soon! (Also, I haven’t noticed anything of you letting anyone down so maybe no one else has either.) I hope this cheers you up a bit as that is what I’m going for here. <3

  2. Ruth September 1, 2015 at 1:22 am

    I’m sitting here in North America thinking….”winter? What is she talking about – it’s late summer!”. Let me assure you, you are not letting down your Facebook friends. Thanks for the direction, coordination, and inspiration. On the Homefront, isolate as much as possible when sick, use a tissue only once and throw away, and wash, wash, wash your hands. It’s all easier said than done with a toddler. Soldier on, dear friend, and know that hundreds of friends support your efforts.

  3. Brenna August 31, 2015 at 11:52 pm

    I know exactly how you feel. It feels like we just take turns each week passing something and by the time the bug gets to the end we have something else. We are going to try to load up on supplements this winter and see if that helps, but who knows if it will. It is hard work being mom!

  4. Beth August 31, 2015 at 11:37 pm

    It is extremely hard to juggle parenting and working. It can suck. I mean you’re right. Sometimes it is just too much. But one day this particular problem will move on. You’ll figure out a way. And sometimes that means not doing everything we want to do. And we survive. And we’re so glad we are parents. We are so proud of them. So happy we did take the time to try to be the best parent we can be. You do tend to forget the times when they were struggling heavy little demanding monsters slick with all of their bodily fluids awash on everything. When we gaze at our older children and they take the time to look into your eyes and tell you that you are the best mom ever, we smile back with all of our love and remember the little angel holding tight to our finger as we led them out into the world. And when our adult children call and say, “Mom, how did you do it?” We smile, admit that it was hard, but then we say, “it is absolutely the best thing I’ve done with my life, loving and caring for you”… And then if we can, we do try to help, because we remember that there are some times when it absolutely sucks.

    1. Beth August 31, 2015 at 11:45 pm

      And Angie, it does help if you are near a caring team that can help you out like your family. Sometimes that’s not possible, though. So maybe you can hire someone to come around and clean once a week, or take all your clothes to a laundry service and let them fluff and dry. One of my boyfriends did that, I never knew there was such a wonder as a laundry service, haha. It might mean giving up some ingrained luxuries like going to get coffee instead of making your own, etc., but I tell you, it can save your sanity! Look through your budgets and activities and brainstorm together on some workable solutions. Good luck!

  5. Lisa August 31, 2015 at 10:31 pm

    My toddler comes home with bugs all the time and although it can be frustrating I take all the cuddles I can, I figure that soon enough he will be too cool and too busy for me and my cuddles. Try and just enjoy the wee one they grow up so fast and are way more important than any other aspect of life, you will have plenty time soon enough.

  6. Jo ButterZ August 31, 2015 at 8:03 pm

    As hard as it is you chose to work on whatever you do. Just remember to enjoy and care for your family first, work and hobbies come a close second. It is always hard dealing with child ares and costs. My daughter is dealing with the same…. If child is sick someone needs the day off too. We are also dealing with school holiday planning, single working mum, 1 child on holidays and one in care… 4 weeks annual leave doesn’t help when there are 10 weeks school holidays and sick days. It is hard so think closely at what you really want…..

  7. Janice August 31, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    I’m sorry the little man has been so sick. It WILL get better. The first year after starting daycare is tough, but then they get the immunity of an ox! I was just talking (well arguing) with my husband about moving closer to my family today. In my dreams it solves all my problems, but in reality I’d probably still not be happy.
    Thanks so much for sharing my tutorial!
    Hugs!

  8. Sharon August 31, 2015 at 9:40 am

    Hang in there Angie. He will all grown up before you know it and you will be looking back with a totally different perspective. hugs Sharon

  9. Kirsty@Bonjour August 31, 2015 at 9:16 am

    It’s hard when they’re always sick. Or like in my case, when you just get one well and then the next one catches it. Just think how strong his immune system is getting! (gotta look on the bright side). If all else fails, you can compromise and move half the way home…Brisvegas!