Illustration by Monica Gallagher

In December 2009 I was lucky enough to attend a Christmas Bout for the Canberra Roller Derby League.  Despite only being out of hospital for three days I was so excited by what I was seeing.  As soon as we got home from the bout I went online and registered my interest in the Fresh Meat course.

It seems I wasn’t the only one interested in it.  The League advised that over 320 people had registered their interest in attending the course.  It’s amazing to think that there’s that there is that much interest in Derby within the Public Servant city that is Canberra.

In January 2010 notification went out to everyone on the mailing list that Fresh Meat was officially open and that there were 50 places on offer.  I nearly wet my pants in the excitement.  I couldn’t register quick enough.  I paid my fees, sent in my completed forms and waited with baited breath to find out if I had been lucky enough to secure a spot.

A week or so later I got confirmation that I was in.  Cue excited chicken dance!

So that was a couple of weeks ago and since then I have successfully managed to order my skate gear from Sydney Derby Skates.   I was really nervous about ordering gear that I had never tried on before, but the measurement chart and information on the SDS site was awesome.  My skates fit like a glove, my helmet is snug as it should be and all my pads fit.  Joy!

The only snag I hit was wheels.  My skates came with a set of indoor wheels on them, but to be able to skate in the wilds of Canberra I needed a set of outdoor wheels.  I figured as much when I ordered them so I ordered a set of outdoor wheels.  Shame I didn’t factor in that I would need bearings for those extra wheels.  Luckily some of the Roller Derby girls I had met through Cousin and LeeLee were able to help me out.

They gave me my first lesson in skate maintenance, told me where I could buy bearings from in Canberra and made me laugh till I thought I’d bust a lung.  I’m having so much fun and the training doesn’t even begin until March 2010!

I’ve put my skates on and geared up already.  Did a loop of our street and nearly peed in my pants.  I’m so worried about falling over on the bitumen; it’s been years since I had gravel rash but the memories are still fresh!  I need to find a nice carpark somewhere where I can practice without the fear of being run down by the local bogans.  The Dali Slammer has told me of one in Southern Canberra, but it’s a bit far to travel at the moment.  There’s a place I pass each day on the way to work that I think I might check out and see what the surface is like.

I also need to start practicing my squats apparently.  It’s one of the things that all the Derby girls agreed on – practice.your.squats!  So I started yesterday.  I’m trying to include squats in everything; playing with dogs, cooking dinner, brushing my teeth, getting out of bed – you name it I’ll be squatting through it.  I’ll have thighs you can crack walnuts with by the end of the year!

One of the things that has given us much merriment in Casa Wilsonia is picking a Roller Derby name.  I wanted something the reflected me and struck fear into the hearts of my competitors.  We went through a few different names, such as Clawed Monet, Dee Dee Mented, Angel of No Mercy and Hell’ll Do Ya.  I even put a call out on Twitter and Facebook for people to submit suggestions.  In the end it was HUBBY that came to the rescue and gave me the handle that will become synonymous with pain and destruction in the CRDL…