WHY JEALOUSY CAN BE A GOOD THING!
Ever had a life lesson that just keeps rearing it’s ugly head again and again until you just have to acknowledge it? Well last week I read a blog post on ProBlogger called “3 Secret Weapons I used to Launch my Blogging Career” and it contained a little nugget of wisdom that started as a whisper and has become a shout over the past week.
In the blog post Jeff Goins lists his number 1 weapon to success as “Listen to your Ache”. Jeff writes,
Being jealous of what someone else has or has done is a sign of something you don’t have. You’re not living the life you dreamed of, not making the money you want, or simply not getting the credit you think you deserve.
…
What bothers you that you see in the world? What problems in your industry or social ills do you see that you think should be fixed? When you see someone publishing their words or getting paid to pursue a passion, does it stir something in you? Does it make you a little angry, even a tad frustrated?
Good. Listen to that.
All dreams begin with frustration. But they don’t end there. It takes a person of action to do something with that feeling. Because really, frustration is just a surface emotion. It’s just pent-up passion with nowhere to go.
He’s talking about not just taking a reaction on it’s surface value, but looking deeper at it and working out what actually lies at the core of it and then using that to fuel your drive to reach your goals.
I really love this lesson because it takes something that we don’t like to acknowledge in ourselves, envy or jealousy, and admits that it does exist and that it’s not about the other person it’s about YOU.
Over the past 5 years blogging as a vehicle to making your passion a career has become a viable option for a lot of people. (In fact, I’m hoping that it’s something that I can make happen for myself!) One of the things that I’ve noticed is that people tend to underestimate the amount of work that goes into making a successful blog and therefore getting brand endorsements, advertising opportunity, magazine work and other great career opportunities.
Being a success requires longevity, commitment, passion and working the daily grind. It’s about turning up every day and being at least 1% better than you were the day before! (Thanks Bjork and Lindsay from Pinch of Yum for that little nugget of wisdom!) It’s not always fun or exciting, sometimes it’s downright boring and you question your own sanity; but the successful ones keep at it. They keep the long term goal in mind and they chip away at it. They’re champions of their passion.
I admire the people that go out there and chase their dreams down and make it happen. They deserve their success; they earned their success.
A great example of this is Josh (of Molli Sparkles). He’s worked hard. He’s hustled. He’s been out there sharing his passion with the world and doing the hard yards. So when he announced that he’d partnered with Juki it was a great announcement for their brand and it was a fabulous endorsement of hard work and following your dream.
Now you might be like me and not agree with his “Truth Tea” and his work might not light your creative fire but you cannot deny that he has a passion for quilting and he’s bringing new people to the quilting obsession and that’s a good thing for all of us.
So I’m a little perplexed at the chatter that’s been happening in regards to a major brand appointing a male to be their representative. I have this to say; “Who gives a shit what the gender is of the Juki Brand Ambassador!”.
What’s really driving the questioning of this appointment? It’s easy to say it’s feminism and quite frankly I find this reverse discrimination in the name of feminism to be appalling. He’s worked hard, he’s sung his love of Juki from the highest branches, repeatedly, without any financial benefit and that should be enough of an endorsement for their decision.
Maybe the real question here is not whether having a man representing a sewing machine brand is a slap in the face of all that is woman, but maybe it’s really about why you think he’s not worthy. What is really driving this reaction? I suspect it’s good old fashioned envy, and there’s nothing wrong with that as long as you address it for what it is and not try and label it with something more “respectable” like standing up for women’s rights. Frankly, we all deserve the same rights regardless of gender. End of story.
Which brings me right on back to the valuable lesson that Jeff Goins is teaching. If you’re looking at this appointment and you listen to your heart and it turns out that you’re envious of the success that Josh is having then maybe it’s time to look at what you’re doing to achieve your goals and dreams. There’s enough room in the quilting, sewing, blogging world for all of us you just have to work hard like the other successful people are doing. It’s like everything in life, the harder you work the “luckier” you get.
Take Josh’s success and let it light your own fire. If you’re looking for ways to improve your blogging, check out my Pinterest board “All about Blogging”. Or why not join the Quilty Bloggers and Instagrammers Support Group on Facebook. Maybe it’s time you send that email to the magazine editor and ask about getting your work published. Reach out and connect with the people you admire and see if you can work together. Formulate your own path to success, but for goodness sake…
DO SOMETHING!
And then once you’ve done that one thing, do the next thing and the next thing. Be one of the people that turns up everyday and does the hard yards and chase down your dream product endorsement deal. You have the power to be the master of your own destiny, you just need to admit to yourself what it is and not be ashamed to go out there and get it. Stop looking at how other people are running their race, as the song says the race is long and ultimately it’s only with yourself. Get out there and run your race, damn it!
Just showing up and being 1% better – I love it and it really describes how to get ahead in nearly everything. No quick fixes, no course that can catapult you if you don’t want to do the work.
Great blog post Angie. I didn’t realise there would be ‘haters’ out there over Josh getting the Juki deal. Really? How crazy? I can get that some people would be jealous, but because he is a man. No way? Josh has such a successful blog because he writes so well. He is entertaining and funny. He is honest. Who doesn’t love those qualities in a person, male or female?
Thanks Gina. <3
I think it’s fabulous that Josh got that ambassadorship. It’s a perfect fit for both. I enjoy seeing what the male quilters do as they don’t tend to follow patterns as much and just go with what they feel and make it work. And it works beautifully! We can’t say there isn’t a difference between men and women in the way the brain operates because there is and I love seeing it show itself in the quilting community. Jealously can be a good thing as it helps us strive to learn and be better at our craft. You wouldn’t have been able to have your Hedgehog QAL if nobody wanted to have what Elizabeth had or do what Elizabeth did.
I agree – there are differences and those don’t make it right or wrong, it’s just different and that’s a good thing. Life would be very boring if we were all the same. Imagine all the things we’d miss out on…
Who are “these” people, I ask this rhetorical question?
Stop running the comparathon, to quote the wise words of Alice Nichols of The Whole Daily.
And I agree, if you feel that pang, go forth and create your own opportunities. They do not get handed to you on a whim. Make connections, propose ideas, just get yourself out there.
No one is going to give you an opportunity if you don’t give them a reason to.
And yes, blogging is absolutely an endurance sport!
I’d never heard of “comparathon” and now I’m now tracking down a copy of “The Whole Daily”. Sounds like it could be a good read!
I totally agree. You have to work for it – I think it’s a downside of our media, every thing looks like it just happens for people and we don’t see the hard yards that go in behind the scenes. It’s something I’m trying really hard to make sure we instil in our son is an understanding that things don’t just happen, you have to work for them and earn them.
I always think of that scene in Grease where the coach is talking about long distance running with John Travolta…
So would I Alyce!
Angie, thank you so much for taking the time to share these thoughts. It is a wonderful reminder that we need to look within and have self-awareness when we feel those hard feelings. It is all to easy to play the blame game or seek reasons to justify our own feelings, rather than acknowledge them amd own them, and grow from the assessment and reflection.
It’s such a hard one, we’re all human and we all have our moments but I think the difference (or at least it’s what I’ve come to think with age) is that we have to acknowledge and see how we can turn them into something positive and make something good out of them. It’s just little steps towards the positive that makes all the difference.
Well said Angie, such a thought provoking blog. We can all be victims to the green eyed monster every now and then and to turn a negative emotion into a positive action is a powerful act, let’s all strive for that 5% better
Thanks Lisa. I’m a victim of the green-eyed monster every time I jump on Instagram! 😉 🙂
Fantastic post. Really thought provoking. Definitely frustration and jealousy has motivated me in the past. But so has admiration (which so could’ve easily been jealousy on anotger day)… But where jealousy lights a fire one way, inspiration seems to give hope. I guess because jealousy often comes out of our own feelings of inadequacy (which gives us our areas needing improvement) where we tend to feel admiration when we are secure in ourselves?? You’ve obviously got me thinking! Thanks for a great post!
Thanks for a great comment Nadia – you got me thinking! I love the correlation you make between inspiration and hope, and I’d never thought about it like that but you’re right. Such a great way to think about it, thank you!
Thanks for the kick in the pants Angie. Its a long race indeed and having you help keep me running us fantastic!!
Cheers to Josh! it’s like the “modern quilter” debate. He is just A quilter. The true nondiscrimination….. Thee is no male or female, American or Australian or even Mongolian for that matter. We are all QUILTERS and that should be all we need to know!
I’m not sure how much of a help I’ve been lately Cass… I feel like I’ve been so wrapped up in our little family and trying to juggle all the changes that are happening that I feel like I’ve dropped out of the quilti-verse at the moment. I need and want to get back in touch with everyone. Wishing there was more time in the day…
You’re so right, we’re all quilters and that’s all that matters. That, and fabric. And chocolate… 😉
Great post. I think envy is a normal human reaction. It can be a motivator. It should never be a divider or cause for nastiness. I haven’t come across the negativity towards Josh and quite frankly think it is stupid. A quilter is a quilter! It is possible to wish for the success someone is having but be happy for them at the same time. Tearing someone down doesn’t bring a person their dreams (unless it is to be a shallow, vindictive person). Well said.
I saw a quote today that said “Blowing out someone else’s candle won’t make yours shine any brighter” and I think that’s such a great reminder. I’ve tried to see it from the “feminist” point of view when it comes to men who quilt and I just don’t get it. I can understand wanting to champion women and equality, but surely equality should be for all and we should be making it so things are awarded on merit and not DNA. There are way more women who endorse, work with and support brands in this industry. Maybe if we concentrated more on being the best that we can be so brands have to take notice and less about the “fairness” of it all life would be a lot different.
Thank you for writing. Reverse feminism happens ALL the time, the ooh a man sewing shock thing is very boring now…
its human nature to be envious. But usually those feelings pass for me when I accept I haven’t a) worked as hard or b) made different life choices.
I have a fabric shop in the UK. I could work harder, but I have 4 kids, a husband and a needy cat!!
I get hacked off when I have an idea, but I procrastinate and someone else gets in there first….nobody’s fault but my own. And I am no longer eaten up by the not fairs as I accept I work as hard as I want to and my family allows.
I share the same frustrations, but like you I’ve started to come to terms with the fact that I can only run my own race and I have my own limitations and strengths. And you’re right it’s about figuring out how much you can and want to put in and being ok with that. I like to remind myself that just because it’s like this now doesn’t mean it will always be like this. (Like when my big lotto win comes in and I can get a cleaner, a chef and a butler and therefore I’ll have all the time in the world to devote to making the pretty things! 😉 ) Thanks for sharing Claire, appreciate it! <3
I love that they picked him! He’s fun, creative and adds a fantastic flair to quilting! Just what the quilting world needs. I think Juki was smart in choosing him, but also that Josh was smarter to put himself out there!
I agree, it’s a perfect partnership and it’s a reflection of someone naturally aligning themselves with a brand. And let’s face it we’ve all got bills to pay so might as well do something you enjoy to pay for them if you can. I’m inspired by his success and hope it’s a reflection of bigger and better things to come for all those in the Australian (and International) quilting community.
Yeah! *applauds*
I am curious as to why it’s usually women that use a sewing machine and men who fix them. I find Molli refreshing but then, actually, I probably shouldn’t because the gender divide shouldn’t be there anyway. Good for him, no resentment there at all from me. Another thing kinda on this topic, a man won the Great British Sewing Bee this year… not sure if people are discussing that. A man was also the best performer, though not the same man as who actually won (which was the bigger deal for me definitely, name missing just in case someone who hasn’t seen it yet reads this).
On the topic of envy and using it to push yourself, I came out with an idea for a modern quilting magazine and successfully pitched it to a distributor, had a business plan for it to go into leading newsagents and everything but couldn’t drum up the cash and then a few months later Love Patchwork and Quilting came out. Gutting. But then maybe I should have worked harder, who knows? Definitely still gritting my teeth over it two years later.
I think you can find him refreshing because you identify with and enjoy his writing. Full stop. You’re right I don’t know why we insist on putting divides between us when the rest of the world works so hard to do it for us already. Funny, I thought about that example as well… after I’d hit publish.
I’ve had a similar experience, but I think for me (I can’t speak for you) I didn’t chase it hard enough. I let fear of failure get in my way. (Another big lesson from the last 12 months!) It’s understandable that you’d be gritting your teeth, I think the article by Jeff was a good one because he admitted and accepted that we’re only human and we’re going to have these “negative” feelings and they don’t have to be negatives if we just choose to see them in a different light. I think it’s a powerful lesson… and I hope it resonates with others.
I emailed him earlier today to tell him just this – I’m hella jealous! And yes, I then proceeded to ask myself why? Because I want a Juki for starters, haha!
I’m beyond tired of this gender and quilting debate. I’m over “male quilters” being such a novelty, I’m over women getting their knickers in a knot that men have dared to intrude on their industry at ANY level. Feminists are up in arms about equality in the workplace and yet go ahead and reverse discriminate with quilting?! It just doesn’t make sense. Equality for all genders (or nationality or…) is important, in all aspects of life. I was discussing this with my husband and he asked a question – would there be an issue if an Asian woman had been chosen? Or how about a blind person? Why is it that gender is still fair game to make an issue about? I responded to my husband, that not only is he male, he’s also American and gay. A triple threat to the lovely lady quilters of Australia.
As much as I would like to live a life free of envy and jealousy I know that at some stage something is going to happen for someone else and I’m going to wish it was happening to me. I figure as long as I own those emotions and look to the core of what’s driving them then they can’t hurt me they can only empower me.
I have thought about the “issue” of men who quilt and for the life of me I just cannot get what the big deal is. It’s because people make a big deal about it that it’s perpetuated as being a big deal. Get over it, heck rejoice in it even! The more people who want to be quilters the better for all of us – in this consumer driven world more people doing your craft will mean companies spend more money on it. That’s a good thing for all of us (especially those of us here in Australia that would love to be able to access a broader range of fabrics, teachers and patterns for example…).
We need more men participating in our craft, they bring a unique set of experiences and perspectives with them (just like we all do) and that adds a depth and longevity to our craft.
Focus on the craft not the genitals! (How’s the for a bumper sticker!)
I would totally buy that bumper sticker.