5 THINGS TO DO TO SUPPORT A LOVED ONE GOING THROUGH IVF
I wish everyone was as lucky as I am. I have had the outstandingly good fortune to marry a man so close to perfection it’s crazy. Luckily for me he’s a Collingwood AFL Supporter or he’d be completely perfect.
Of course I had to say all of that because he’s been living with an unstable banshee for the past couple of weeks and he deserves a reward.
When we were initially going through what the process would be I flagged with the Nurse my concern over my emotional state while taking the medication. I’m really lucky to be one of the select few that has a fairly strong emotional reaction to being on the pill. So strong in fact that I’ve been know to frivolously quit my job, tell someone my real opinion of their new haircut (it wasn’t positive) and cry uncontrollably at the latest Kleenex ad all while under the influence of the birth control pill.
Normally I can be a tad unpredictable but while on the pill I’m a weapon of mass emotional destruction. Knowing this about myself I asked if there was anyway I could not take the pill, but alas due to my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) I was bound to take that small pill.
By the end of the first week of taking the pill I’d had a complete breakdown. One morning I was actually yelling and crying about something completely illogical only to stop midstream, hiccup, and declare that I had no idea why I was behaving like this. At that point the target of my emotional outburst, HUBBY, calmly walked up to me, wrapped his arms around me and said, “Don’t worry it’s the drugs talking, I love you.”
It sparked in me an idea to start compiling a list of the things that those who have a loved one going through IVF can do to support them. Here they are:
1. Listen.
Sometimes all we need is someone to vent to. Someone to nod and smile and say “I know.”, “They didn’t!” and “She’s such a bitch.” It doesn’t take much but it means the world.
The feelings of isolation in this process can be really overwhelming so it’s great to know that there’s someone there with you, ready to listen. It’s also great to know that there’s someone there who’s not busting at the seams to tell you how to fix everything.
2. Read the Information Booklets.
This one is really aimed at the partner, although if you’re interested and able it’s also great for close family and friends to do as well. I find it so frustrating to have to explain the process to the person I’m supposed to be going through this with. I have been known to declare, “If we’re in it together then read the bloody information books!”
It’s such a small thing that can make a massive difference. There’s nothing better than being able to go to an appointment and know that your partner is across everything and able to participate in the conversations happening. It’s also handy to know that there’s someone else who can remind you what medication combination you’re supposed to be doing on any given day.
3. Bring Home Chocolate.
If chocolate doesn’t float your loved ones boat, bring home hand picked flowers, or a new book, or some music, whatever your loved one would consider a treat bring it home. It doesn’t have to cost and arm and leg. (Which is good considering you’ve most likely just given both of those to the Fertility Clinic as payment for the procedures.)
At the end of the day the IVF process is crappy. It can be all consuming and make us question our fundamental worthiness, so a little positive re-enforcement goes a long way.
4. Be Generous with the Cuddles
Now is not the time to hold back on the affection. I’m not talking about trying to rock it out in the bedroom, I’m talking about being loving towards your partner. After a long day of trying not to lose your cool at your boss being able to come home to a hug from your partner can make the world spin on it’s axis.
5. Tell Me You Love Me.
It’s so simple, and really it’s the most important of all of them. At the end of the day all I need to hear is that you love me. Because believe it or not under that emotional hurricane is someone worried that they’re driving away the only people that care about them.
Image source: Getty
That’s my current list of things to do to help support an IVF sufferer. I’m sure there is a list as long as Santa’s for ways you can make the person going through this process feel loved and supported. Maybe you’ve been the person supporting the nut case, if so I would love to hear any tips or tricks for making it through this stressful time.
Tomorrow I’m going to cover the very controversial Five Things Not to Do to Support A Loved One Going Through IVF. You might just be surprised at how unhinged I really am!
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