IN THE POT | ROAST CHICKEN

For some reason the thought of roasting a chicken has always freaked me out.  Chicken seems to dry out so quickly and there’s nothing worse than dry chicken.  Not to mention I am mega paranoid about getting food poisoning from undercooked chook.  But lucky for me Donna Hay has come to the rescue with her how-to on roasting a chicken.

Image source: gnomeangel

It was with a touch of trepidation and a fistful of bulletproof-ness that I set off on this cooking adventure.  I was convinced that I would conquer the chicken and make it my bitch.  Oh how wrong I was.  This particular chicken was embolden by the fact that it had lived life free on the range and it would be no-one’s bitch.

I made the stuffing (which made me wonder just how large Donna Hay thinks the inside cavity of a 1.6kg chook is because there was a mountain left over!).  I cleaned the bird.  (I chuckled over the memory of the turkey on the head incident in Friends.)  I filled it to brimming with stuffing.  I tied it’s little legs together like a proper lady.  I brushed it with oil and then I put it in the oven to do it’s thing.

I took it out periodically to check on it’s done-ness.  I thought it looked lonely so I put some potatoes in there to keep it company.  I thought I was doing all the right things.

When I thought it looked done I pricked it with a skewer as Ms Hay recommended.  The juice ran clear.

“Baby the chooks done!”

I took the chook out, put the corn on, got the potatoes ready and started on the gravy.  The bird sat resplendent on the plate surrounded by her root vegetable friends.

I took some glory shots so that the world would know that I had conquered the beast.  I then handed the honours over to HUBBY.

Image source: gnomeangel

He cut that bird like a fat kid cutting the line at the tuckshop.  It was succulent and spread beneath the knife like a two dollar hooker.  Again I took glory shots and went back to making my first ever gravy.

“Gravy’s ready, pass me your plate.”

As the plate passed between our hands in the cold hard light of our kitchen I noticed that colour that looks great on 3 year olds but should never be seen on your chicken; pink. Crap!  We took the bird out into the proper light…

“It’s not done!”

While the top of the bird had cooked to perfection the bottom of the chicken was auditioning for a role in Anthony Bourdain’s Medium Raw.  The juice ran bloody in this section of the chook.  My heart sank and I could hear it’s clucking reprimand in my head.

“Don’t mess with the chicken you’ll just get the horns!”

We salvaged what we could safely from the top of the bird and HUBBY ate a recommended serving size of roast chicken, vegetables and gravy.  I on the other hand returned to the kitchen to lick my wounds and clean the kitchen with enough disinfectant to cleanse Amy Winehouse; lest the chook win round two with a decisive serving of salmonella.

The chicken may have won this round, but there will be another and when that time comes I will be prepared.  Oh yes, I will be prepared!

Easy Herb Stuffing

medium onion

2 teaspoons oil

3 cups breadcrumbs

1½ teaspoons dried mixed herbs

30g (1 oz) soft butter

sea salt

cracked black pepper

Cook 1 finely chopped onion and 2 teaspoons oil for 5 minutes.  Mix with 3 cups of fresh breadcrumbs, 1½ teaspoons dried mixed herbs, 30g (1 oz) soft butter, sea salt and cracked black pepper.  Use as a stuffing for chicken or lamb; double the recipe for turkey.

Roast Chicken

1.6kg (3¼ lb> whole chicken

1 quantity easy herb stuffing

oil for brushing

sea salt

2 cups (16 fl oz) chicken stock

1. Preheat the oven to 190°C (375°F).  Wash the chicken and remove any excess fat from the cavity. Pat dry with paper towel. Prepare the stuffing.

2. Spoon the stuffing into the cavity of the chicken, packing it loosely.  Tie the legs together using kitchen string.

3. Place the chicken on a rack in a backing dish. Brush with oil and sprinkle with salt.  Pour the stock into the base of the dish.  Bake for 1 hour or until cooked through when tested with a skewer.  Use the pan juices to make gravy.

Serves: 4

Basic Gravy

pan juices from roast chicken, turkey, lamb, beef or pork

10–12 ice cubes

2½ tablespoons plain (all-purpose) flour

stock, wine or water (to add to the pan juices)

1.  Remove the roasted meat or poultry from the baking dish and keep warm.  Pour the pan juices into a jug with the ice cubes and allow the fat to solidify.

2. Skim off 2 tablespoons of the solidified fat and return to the baking dish.  (Discard the remaining fat, reserving the pan juices.)  Add the flour to the fat in the pan and stir over medium heat for 4-5 minutes or until the paste is a golden straw colour.

3. Make the pan juices in the jug up to 2 cups with the stock, wine of water.  Slowly whisk the liquid into the flour mixture until a smooth consistency.  Stir until the gravy boils and thickens.  Makes 2 cups.

Source: Donna Hay Modern Classics Book 1