5 THINGS NOT TO DO WHEN YOU’RE ON IVF
Yesterday I talked about the “Five Things to Do When You’re On IVF” and today I’m covering the things to avoid. Like yesterday the list is not exhaustive, nor am I proclaiming myself an expert on the process. It’s just five things I wish someone had told me when we got started.
1. Avoid Dr Google.
If you’re like me I only ever go to the Doctor for a second opinion. The moment I think something is wrong I hit Google and see what I’m dying of. I do the same when I go through a medical procedure.
Googling your medical situation is a mixed bag. Sometimes it’s great to be armed with all the added knowledge so you’re not worried at any stage of the process, but nine times out of ten it usually convinces you of all the things that can go wrong. Instead of putting my mind at ease Dr Google usually convinces me to get my will in order and say my goodbyes.
It’s no different with IVF. Sure, if you’re curious have a look but take all the information with a grain of salt. If you really see something that panics you call your Clinic and talk to your Nurse or Doctor. Once they’ve calmed you down and reassured you that you’re not going to grow a third nipple from all the medication you’re taking walk away from your search engine. In this instance, it’s not your friend!
2. Don’t listen to Old Wives’ Tales.
When you announce to the world that you’re undergoing IVF you suddenly find yourself inundated with Old Wives’ Tales. Everything from existing on a diet of only prunes to rubbing yak semen on your belly. Smile, nod and then ignore it.
If it was medically sound advice it would be covered in the information pamphlets they provided you with at the clinic. Just because it “worked” for someone’s third cousin doesn’t mean it’ll work for you. Nor does it actually mean it was the reason they conceived in the first place.
Trust in your Doctor and Nurses. If you don’t trust them, find a medical practice that you do trust. Just like buying a car there’s no harm in shopping around.
3. Take Only the Advice you Want To.
This is closely related to Number 2, but it needs to be said. Everyone is going to have an opinion, cloaked as advice, on what you’re going through. It’s human nature to want to dispense advice, it makes us all feel like we’re helping and sometimes we are. There’s other times however when it can be like pouring gasoline on an open fire.
As the person going through it it’s your prerogative to listen to the advice being given and choose what you’ll listen to and what you’ll ignore. Be polite, thank them for their wisdom and then do with it what you will.
Do try to remember that the person dispensing the advice is only trying to be helpful, they’re not just telling you this to make your head explode. It has always been my experience that if someone is taking the time to provide you with their insight it’s because they want the best for you. At least this is what I tell myself as I take deep breaths and try to focus on smiling.
There’s one exception to this rule; if someone has the audacity to tell you to “relax and it will happen” you have the right to bop them one. Then smile, thank them for their wisdom and walk away.
4. Ignore the Statistics.
All the information you’re going to be provided with is going to come with statistics. After all, it’s the statistics that Clinics use to sell hope to their customers. The better a Clinic’s statistics look the more likely we are to spend our money with them.
I know that’s a cold way to look at it, but at the end of the day they’re not toiling away to knock women up because they think there’s a population problem with the world they’re in it to make money. Before you all yell at the computer screen, I do acknowledge that there will be a large portion of the workers at the Clinic that work there to help people realise their dreams, they’re just usually not on the Board of Directors.
The other reason to ignore the statistics is if you’re a glass half empty when it comes to success. I like to think I’m pretty positive in most aspects of my life, but when it comes to this aspect of my life I’m convinced I’m going to die a dried up barren old woman. Instead of looking at the statistics and seeing that conception through IVF is nearly beating the chance of conceiving naturally I see that there’s an 80% chance for me that this won’t work.
It can be hard to remain focused on the end goal when you look at it like that. So I’m ignoring the statistic, both the positive and the negative, and I’m taking it one day at a time. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen, if not I’m still going to have a happy and full life regardless of what those numbers say.
5. Silence Your Inner Doubting Thomas.
There’s so many stages that go in to making up a complete cycle of IVF. There’s the regime, the pill popping, the nasal sprays, the injections, the egg pick up, the fertilisation and then the embryo transfer. At every stage there’s a handful of things that can go wrong and mean that the cycle is ended.
It’s a miracle that anyone actually ends up with a healthy baby at the end of all those hurdles!
At every point in the process there’s your inner voice to deal with. It throws up questions like, “What if I miss a pill?”, “Can I play Roller Derby?”, “Should I have time off work?”, and “Should I spend those two weeks waiting on my back?”.
Or worse still it tells you that you’ve ruined your chances. “You didn’t take your nasal spray at exactly the twelve hour mark so it’s not going to work.” “You’re too stressed so it’s not going to work.” “You didn’t have acupuncture so it’s not going to work.”
Sometimes my head is so full of my inner voice pointing out all the things I’m not doing or should be doing that I’m amazed I’m still able to walk and breathe at the same time.
I have ended up adopting the approach, “Will I regret this action if it doesn’t work.” For example, I struggled with trying to decide whether to undergo acupuncture as part of the treatment process. Our Clinic advised us that people had had success with a complimentary treatment of acupuncture, but others had also had success without it. In fact, our Clinic is currently undertaking research to see if they can prove a link between the two. So really it’s up to me whether I have it or not.
The only way I could decide what I was going to do was to apply the “Will I regret this action if it doesn’t work” approach. I know myself well enough to know what things I will focus on when having my Negative Nancy moments should it not work and for me not trying acupuncture will be one of them. On the other hand, going back to work after having the embryo transfer will not be.
It’s about listening to your head and heart and making the decisions based on who you are as a person. Once you’ve made a considered decision it’s a lot easier to silence your inner doubting Thomas.
Image source: Getty
This is just my list of things not to do while on IVF, for those of you that are going through it or about to go through it take from it what you will. If you have other positive contributions to the list that you would like to add I would love to hear from you so please add a comment.
If you have any advice on how to traverse the minefield that is IVF I would love to hear from you! There’s not enough sharing of positive information out there for my liking, so anything we can do to increase that I think is wonderful.
Tomorrow I’m going to cover Five Things to Do to Support A Loved One Going Through IVF.
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