CONFESSION OF A CONTROL FREAK

ByGnomeAngel

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I’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch lately. It’s a combination of things, but I think the main problem is that our family is going through a major change and I don’t deal well with change that’s outside of my control.

I’ve worked really hard in the past 12 months to try to get us into a position where we don’t need for me to return to work and unfortunately there’s no way around it (mainly because of the uncertainty in the Australian political and economic situation).

I’m very blessed to have an employer that’s supportive of my family needs and so I feel like while I’m having to return to work it’s not as bad as it could be (in fact it’s pretty gosh darn great). It doesn’t change the fact that I’m having to do something that’s not exactly the way I want it and I’m struggling to embrace that change.

I’m pretty good with most things, but every so often I get in a funk. I retreat and I struggle to get out from under the storm cloud. This is what I’ve been dealing with for the past couple of weeks.

I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself to step outside of my comfort zone and put myself out there and it’s been really great, but it’s also take it’s toll on my family time and it’s been a little draining.

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about." - Quote on GnomeAngel.com

I’m a little bit obsessive about doing my best in every situation and not disappointing anyone and I’ve been struggling with thinking that I have been letting people down and I haven’t had the time or space to do my best work. It’s been really hard and I’ve not really realised the impact that it was having on my mental space.

It’s all been a learning curve and I’m so grateful that I have some really wonderful people in my life who took the time to check on me and make sure everything is ok. Slowly but surely I’ve felt the clouds lifting and the sun coming out and I know that it’s been because of these people showing me that they care.

February has Valentine’s Day in it and while I don’t necessarily endorse the commercialism of Valentine’s Day I do support anything that encourages us to take the time to tell those in our life that we care about them, that they matter and that we’re glad to have them in our lives.

You never know, the person you think is coping might be drowning and the words of kindness you share with them might just be the life raft they need.

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25 Comments

  1. Dear Angie,
    Although I’ve only just “met” you through your fabulous blog – I really hope to get to know you better as I join this blogging and quilting community. I remember when I had to go to work and put BOTH my babies under 2 into daycare – and I was just devastated, but there was no way around the situation. My heart goes out to you as you struggle to balance what will be your new reality. Hopefully, within a short time, the reasons for these changes will show some improvement and perhaps your return will be short lived – into the workplace I mean- may many blessings come your way and the sunny days be just around the corner.
    I’m in the “HEAVY” storm cloud funk weather now – really struggling to do more than open the computer – it’s bad. But I pray the sunny days will come sometime soon! I’m in the BOM with you I noticed, and I can’t even muster the strength to choose a plan and get going on it. I swore I would stay current with this one project – and already I’ve let myself down.
    Hope to chat with you soon!!!
    Pamela

    1. Hi Pamela! We’ve just had our first half day at day care and we both survived. I’m positive it’s going to work out ok, I just need to cherish the time we have together each day and focus on that. I’m feeling much better now, thank you. I think I just needed to spend some time with my boys and ignore the deadlines, etc.
      Oh, you’ve not let yourself down. It’s a marathon not a sprint. I haven’t even looked at fabrics for it yet. I’m actually thinking about doing the other components of the quilt first and then coming back and doing the centre last (if the pattern allows for this. I can’t seem to make up my mind about what fabrics to use and I’d like some thinking space before diving right into it. So you can hang out with me at the back of the class and we’ll have our own fun 😉
      I hope your storm clouds clear soon! Thinking of you.

      1. Hi! Glad the first day went well. This will give you confidence for future days. And yes, enjoying the time you do have together is the key to success. I thought about starting other parts of the BOM first as well because I couldn’t seem to think from the center out – LOL. I had ideas for the other rounds, but being a visual control freak – I dunno – it just wasn’t jiving. I gave the center a whirl with some beautiful Oakshott and cut into my Liberty stash for the first time. I will see how it develops. Mine is very different from what everone else is doing, and I’m glad for that – when I get to the end – the center may not work, so I’ll just re-do it at that time. 😉
        Looking forward to seeing what your thoughts are for this quilt. I just couldn’t “do” the color wheel thing.
        Pamela

  2. Such a timely reminder Angie. For me I have to tell you that I have been following you on IG for a while now and have been so impressed by your talent, caring and sharing so open heartedly with everyone in the online community. I am sorry I live so far away and can’t run over to give you a hug.. (I typed chug, maybe that would be welcome too as in chug a lug) For so many of us its a matter of picking up and getting on with it but know many of us are here to help you and encourage.

    1. Thank you so much Mary Ann! The virtual community helps me so much and I consider myself so very blessed to be surrounding by so many lovely and talented generous loving people. I would totally be up for a chug-a-lug! 😉 I hope you’re having a wonderful day! <3

  3. Man, I am sorry about the going back to work thing. Hopefully it is just a season, and one that you will be able to look back on someday and see some redeeming reasons why it had to be. Hugs! And, good for you for sharing.

    1. Thanks Rachel! I’m convinced that the little guy is going to love going to daycare (the activities, making new friends, the variety) and I’m going to enjoy being back with my work mates (and the extra fabric money won’t hurt). I just need to have an “attitude adjustment”. 😉 Hope you’re having a fabulous day (and staying off your feet!) <3

  5. I hear ya loud and clear…love the ones close and tell them everyday how awesome they are, they clearly feel the same about you x

  6. Times like this I wish our country wasn’t so large so that I could pop on over with some chocolately goodness & lots of hugs. Please know that you are very much loved my sweet & if I lived closer I would be over in a heartbeat! ❤️

    1. Yep, but it’s knowing that others are going through it too that’s helping me keep some perspective. I like to remind myself that I’m very lucky to be having a job to go back to and not to take it all for granted. <3

  10. It is very frustrating when we have to do things that we didn’t want or plan in life so I understand. When the military picked us up and moved us I had to go back to work and not in very good jobs (ie. low paying retail jobs) because the move involved a significant cut in my husband’s pay (to the tune of $1000 a month!) I was very unhappy. I was also upset that I had to put my daughter in day homes where the care was not always the best. Fortunately nothing really bad happened but there were a few days where I thought I would have to quit my job because the things going on in the day homes were not to my liking. (The woman was leaving the kids with her live-in boyfriend, feeding them McDonald’s for lunch and so on). I just want to say that things will get better and also that from my perspective you have not let anyone down. I do know how it feels to have to go back to work when you don’t want to. I may be facing that later this year too when my maternity leave is up if my husband is unable to find a second job. I am happy that you are starting to feel better. XO

    1. <3 Thanks Anita. I don't know what I'm worried about, he's going to a great day care centre that's focused on making sure the kids have really positive experiences and looking after them. My work is really great and very helpful. I'm just being pig headed. I hope things work out for your family this year as well. It gives me lots of comfort and encouragement to know that we have this amazingly supportive community just a keyboard away. Hope you have a great day (and try to get some non-frantic-quilt-con-tripping time in!) <3

  12. Hi Ange

    I love this post. Sorry you have been in a funk. I totally get that and wish I had been more supportive instead of so inward facing lately. Love the quotes – so true.

    Jo

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